By Claire Molinard
Each of us carries a Unique Gift—something only we can bring into the world. And yet, when the moment comes to step into that gift and take our Unique Risk, something inside holds us back.
We hesitate, procrastinate, fall into old patterns. We tell ourselves we’re not ready, that it’s not the right time. But beneath these surface struggles, something deeper is at play: Immunity to Change—a hidden structure of resistance that keeps us stuck. The good news is that we can overcome it, and unlock the path to our Unique Self.
The False Self Pattern: A Story of Survival
At the heart of this resistance is what we call the False Self Pattern—the ways of emoting, thinking, and sensing that shape the false personality we created as children. This pattern wasn’t a mistake. It was a brilliant, instinctive way to ensure we got what we needed—love, safety, and belonging.
But as we grow, this False Self just doesn’t disappear. Even when it no longer serves us, it stays in place, silently running in the background, keeping us tethered to old ways of being.
Why Real Change Feels So Hard
Harvard researchers Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s work on Immunity to Change helps explain why transformation often feels impossible. The moment we commit to real change, an unconscious counterforce rises up to stop us.
This resistance isn’t just about fear. It’s tied to what they call a Big Assumption—a deeply held belief that changing our habitual ways of being would threaten our very existence.
Here’s how it plays out:
- You commit to change. You feel ready to step into your Unique Risk.
- Resistance shows up. You avoid, shut down, or fall into self-sabotage.
- A competing commitment emerges. Deep down, part of you is just as committed to keeping things exactly as they are.
- The Big Assumption is revealed. Beneath it all, there’s a hidden belief: If I change, something terrible will happen.
For example, if your Unique Risk is to step into your power, but your False Self learned early on that being strong led to rejection, you may unconsciously hold the Big Assumption:
“If I fully step into my power, I will be abandoned”.
Even though this belief is no longer true, it feels true, and that’s enough to keep us stuck.
The First Step to Breaking Free
Taking your Unique Risk isn’t the real danger however—your False Self just believes it is. The first step toward freedom is to bring these hidden patterns into awareness. Not to fight them, not to force change, but to see them clearly and hold them with compassion.
This is the deep work of transformation—learning to loosen the grip of the False Self so you can experience more freedom to live the life you deeply long to.
Soon, we’ll be announcing more details on our upcoming three-month group coaching program where we’ll be teaching our signature practice that literally has the power to realign us with the frequency of our Unique Self by dismantling the lie of the False Self.
Stay tuned!